First the teeth (interests) and then the relatives — look after your own interests first; family obligations come after self-preservation. A realistic (if cynical) observation on where priority lies in a crisis.
The dent (teeth) in this proverb stands for personal survival — one's own essential needs and interests. The i parent (relatives) stand for the wider network of family obligation. The proverb reflects a strain of Milanese realism that is sometimes read as selfishness but is better understood as the doctrine of overhead before charity: you cannot help others if you have not first secured yourself. The airline safety instruction to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs is the contemporary equivalent. In the mercantile culture of Milan, a man who ruined himself through excessive generosity to relatives was considered a fool — he had sacrificed both himself and, eventually, his ability to help anyone. The proverb is also used ironically, as a mild self-accusation by someone who has just prioritised themselves.
Milanese proverb of self-preservation, reflecting the realistic commercial culture of a city where self-sufficiency was the precondition of generosity. Sometimes used ironically.
A Milanese businessman explaining why he did not hire his nephew
— Non ha assunto tuo nipote? — Prima i dent e pöi i parent. Se l'azienda non funziona, non aiuto nessuno.
— ¿No has contratado a tu sobrino? — Primero los dientes y luego los parientes. Si la empresa no funciona, no ayudo a nadie.
A Milanese professional who moved to a better job before helping a friend
Mi hanno offerto la posizione migliore. Prima i dent e pöi i parent — ho accettato, adesso sono in grado di aiutare anche gli altri.
Me ofrecieron el mejor puesto. Primero los dientes y luego los parientes — acepté, ahora puedo ayudar a los demás también.
A Lombard grandmother advising a generous grandchild
Non puoi dare tutto agli altri e restare senza. Prima i dent e pöi i parent — da un barattolo vuoto non si versa niente.
No puedes dar todo a los demás y quedarte sin nada. Primero los dientes y luego los parientes — de un tarro vacío no se vierte nada.
Two Milanese friends in an ironic conversation
— Hai mangiato l'ultimo pezzo di torta senza chiedermi. — Prima i dent e pöi i parent — avevo fame.
— Te comiste el último trozo de tarta sin preguntarme. — Primero los dientes y luego los parientes — tenía hambre.